So many thoughts.
First, I am excited to prioritize self care again. That basically mans my house is less clean but that I am happy. Hopefully eventually the house will get cleaner as my mental health gets better.
One thing that’s been exciting is that we’ve been doing special time with both kids every day. So we each take ten minutes with each kid and then trade. And the kids get to decide what we do. It was hard at first because of the big feelings when special time is over. Although I did help #1 make a chart of options of things to do after special time and that did help.
But anyways, since implementing that we have all been much happier. The kids have been much more secure and playing more independently overall. I also feel like I get to spend time with my kids like I always dreamed would be part of parenthood, but I’m not bored and overwhelmed to the point where I can’t even appreciate it or be present for it. And I’m not worried about all the piles of dishes and laundry and cluttered surfaces for those ten minutes.
Normally it feels like we can’t do anything fun until our house is clean, because we just don’t even have space. But prioritizing that connecting time and finding a little corner to do it in the mess, means that I get to enjoy my kids now, instead of in some impossible future time. And it means that we’re all more regulated and then cleaning becomes more possible. Honestly even if I try to clean first, everyone just gets really disregulated because I’m frustrated that the kids aren’t helping out or at least letting me clean without interruptions and so we all just spiral.
It’s also so nice to have a system that allows me to spend one on one time with each of them. Because especially at this age, 3 and 6, it can be really hard to find something that is engaging for both of them and that they don’t fight over. But doing something with one of them at a time is much easier.
I’ve been doing Weight Watchers and it works really well for me. I really like that it makes me prioritize protein and fruits and veggies. I just eat much healthier when I’m on it.
For a long time I avoided anything besides intuitive eating because I didn’t want to veer into eating disorder territory. I had an eating disorder in high school and I feel like I still have had orthorexia well into adulthood. And I’ve also struggled with binge and restrict cycles. Anyway, I feel like I’m at a much better place where I don’t obsess over food, and doing intuitive eating for a long time helped a lot with that.
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